Feelings
by Fading wind
Summary: Sasuke thought he remembered. [SasuNaru, onesided SasuSaku and NaruSaku]


Title: Feelings  
Pairing: SasuNaru, one-sided SasuSaku and NaruSaku, and brief mention of one-sided SasuIno  
Rating: G-ish  
Spoilers: None, really.  
Warnings: Slight shounen-ai and slight angst.  
Word Count: 1,324  
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.  
Author's Notes: Un-beta'ed. Sorry for the crappy unfinished-ness of this fic, but I sort of wrote half of it, then had no idea where to go from there, so I started typing random words to try and finish it, and so it turned out the ending was all weird and non-ending-ish, if you see what I mean. I haven't written in more than two months, so I just felt that I _had _to write something to get out of this stupid writer's block, which is why this had to be done.

**Feelings**

Sasuke thought he remembered.

He didn't really know, and there was nothing to prove it, but he thought he once knew a boy called Naruto. A boy with bright blond hair and a smile even brighter than that. A boy whom he hated and loved at the same time. Sasuke wondered how you can hate _and_ love someone. But then, he didn't even know what those two words meant. They were supposed to be like feelings, Sakura had explained to him when he asked her, but to Sasuke, they were just two simple, meaningless words.

Sasuke had never been too fond of words.

Sakura, on the other hand, he often caught reading novels with beautiful girls and flowers printed on the cover. Sakura always refused to tell him what those books were about, and her cheeks would be pink as she spoke, as if in embarrassment. But her eyes would show something different... Pain, Sasuke might call it. Pain seemed to be one of the only 'feeling' words that Sasuke found that he could understand, if only slightly. Sakura once told him that he was always in pain. Was that what it really was? Some part of him hurt every day. He couldn't figure out which part it was, so he went to Sakura, but Sakura said it wasn't anything to do with his health, and pain wasn't only physical.

Sasuke found out later, in a bookshop, that the books which Sakura went everywhere with were romance novels. He read the first page, and already felt sick of the sweet words printed in fine, black print. Did all girls like reading this sort of stuff? There weren't many girls in Sasuke's life. Sakura once introduced him to a girl called Yamanaka Ino, and the moment the blonde girl saw him, Sasuke saw pain on her face, and she ran away. Sakura refused to tell him why. Sasuke thought it might have something to do with the pain that he had seen on her face. But Sakura, too, looked in pain sometimes, and she never ran away from him. He was puzzled.

So there were some things Sakura never told him. And there were some things that Sasuke kept secret from her as well.

Such as this boy called Naruto. He smiled whenever he thought about Naruto. The smile came naturally, and it always lifted Sasuke's heart. Each time Sasuke saw Sakura smiling, he wondered if she felt her heart lifting too. He knew there was another 'feeling' word for this. 'Happiness', wasn't it? Sasuke felt happy that he knew what happy felt like.

He didn't recall too much about Naruto, though. Only brief flashes of him and Naruto together, fighting, sometimes against each other, and sometimes united against someone else. And Naruto laughing. Naruto's laugh was never restrained. It was loud and bold. It sounded of happiness, Sasuke thought. It sounded of happiness and more than that. Maybe there were other 'feeling' words that could be used to describe it that Sasuke didn't know.

Sasuke hardly ever laughed. He tried to force himself to laugh, and found it didn't quite work. It sounded fake -- nothing like Naruto's at all.

"Laughing has to come from the heart," Sakura said to him once, and then she laughed. Her laughter sounded different from Naruto's as well. Sasuke didn't know why she laughed. And was she laughing from her heart? He looked at her, and she stopped laughing.

Sasuke kept on thinking about Naruto. He had blue eyes, Sasuke suddenly remembered. Blue eyes that twinkled when he laughed.

In another memory, Naruto seemed to have red eyes. Red eyes that glowed with viciousness and the desire to kill and destroy. Sasuke didn't like that. It wasn't really Naruto, he decided. But then, who was it? Naruto glared at him in his memory with those red eyes. His hair was still blond. He didn't laugh. Sasuke thought he had seen a look with a similar feeling on Sakura's face before, but it was less strong. He asked Sakura what was wrong, and she said that she was angry with him.

Anger. That was it. Naruto was angry. Really, really angry. And when Naruto was angry, his blue eyes would change into red.

There was something else in that expression too. Not just anger. Sasuke couldn't find out what it was. He didn't understand it. It scared him. And the more afraid he was, the more he wanted to know about this boy. Because... Because he loved and hated him.

What did it mean?

"Did you ever know a boy called Naruto, Sakura?" There, it wasn't a secret anymore.

Sakura stared at him. "You can remember?" she asked.

Sasuke nodded, slowly. "Just a little, though. What happened to him? Why don't I see him around?"

"It's a long story. Are you sure you want to know?" Sasuke nodded again, and Sakura's brows creased in a deep frown. "You seem to be happier not knowing." Nevertheless, she took out a photo from her pocket. Sasuke recognized a younger version of himself on it. And of Sakura, too. There was a silver-haired man in the background, whom Sasuke couldn't recall. And there was Naruto. Naruto, who only came from his memories, was on a photo with him and Sakura.

A second or two passed. Sasuke studied the photo closely. His mind raced, so fast that it started to hurt. He pressed his lips tightly together, the photo trembling in his unsteady hands. Noticing that, Sakura snatched the photo away from him.

"You're not ready for the truth yet," Sakura whispered.

"Will I ever be?" Sasuke said.

"I don't know," Sakura replied. "Your... relationship with Naruto was very complicated, and both of you did many things that you regretted. But neither of you ever apologized to each other."

"Am I the reason he's not here?" Sasuke asked.

"... Perhaps," Sakura said. "It was partly me, too."

"What do you mean by our relationship was really complicated? What was he to me?"

"A friend. Your best friend, in fact. And your enemy. And... something else which I can't describe because you won't be able to understand." Sakura was in pain, Sasuke realized. She didn't want to talk about this.

"I'm sorry," Sasuke muttered. "I should never have brought this up. I promise I won't ever again." He got up and left, hurriedly.

---

Sakura sat, tears rolling down her cheeks as her fingers brushed over that photo, tracing the outline of each boy. Sasuke was completely different after what happened so many years ago. She thought he had forgotten about Naruto, but he had remembered.

She sometimes felt jealous of Sasuke. She wished she could forget, like Sasuke. The memories of their childhood together were too painful for her, the memories of Naruto's death -- Naruto, soaked in blood, fighting till the very last moment, screaming Sasuke's name. His battling wasn't in vain, for he saved Sasuke in the end, but he never lived to see the result. And Sasuke never remembered it.

Sakura started the hobby of reading romance novels after Sasuke lost his memory. She didn't really know who she loved, anymore -- Naruto or Sasuke. One was dead, and the other had lost his memories, treating her almost as if she was his mother. Neither would be able to return her feelings. She loved soaking herself in the sweetness between the pages of romance novels and forgetting about reality for a moment.

She remembered Naruto telling her that Sasuke and him were more than friends. She remembered accidentally catching sight of the two of them in a dark alleyway, doing something that Sakura would rather not witness. She remembered so many things about Naruto and Sasuke -- _together_. And there was nothing at all about herself and either of them together in the same sense.

Maybe she no longer loved either. Maybe she still loved both.

She didn't quite know.

**The End**


End file.
